Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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