Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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