hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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