well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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