there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
