Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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