did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
