when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
