u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
