I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
