i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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