Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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