So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
3pm strippers are depressing
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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