Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
