do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
