I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you never un-have a 4some
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
