I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
