He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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