you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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