oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
