Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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