I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
