he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
