Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
