I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
