there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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