I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I die, sorry about rent.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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