remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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