I want you more than these girls want KFC
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
