Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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