My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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