do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
