Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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