too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
