from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
