I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
