I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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