I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
