So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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