it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
