Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
