i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
did i just pee glitter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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