why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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