We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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