she woke up with a sticky ear
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
