Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize