You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
