There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
