he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
