There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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