I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
