I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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