He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
