I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
