my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
