Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
