My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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