I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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