she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
