sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
