suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize