I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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