i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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