3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
