Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
