The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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