Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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